i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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