When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
