Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
