I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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