i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
