He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
