he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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