I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize