you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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