U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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