I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
