apparently the secret to your success is patron
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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