Banned from zoo.
Again?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
