why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
