There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
