We should be called the Road Head Warriors
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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