big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
