Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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