At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
