We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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