Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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