"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
