the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I look better un-naked...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
