I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I didn't notice because vodka
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
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