its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
