woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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