maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize