Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
