turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
