He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize