Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
