Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
