took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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