i would punch a child for taco bell
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
you made out with another girl for some wings
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