My sheets look like a crime scene.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
