Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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