She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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