Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
