mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
