College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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