I only kidnapped one of them. chill
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
