Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize