Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Randomize
