I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
