I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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