Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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