i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
