Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize