yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
