Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
