If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
