someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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