I'm going to jail i love you
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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