I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
