We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
