What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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