Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
