2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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