so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dicks are not precious.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
