Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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