I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
