i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
