So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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