So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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