Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
