just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
