I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
