there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
