So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Randomize
